parla · come · mangia

1.  Be fluent in Italian
2.  Design chic dresses
3.  Sing beautifully
4.  Be happy with myself
5.  Smile more
6.  Find myself
7.  Open a restaurant
8.  Chase storms
9.  Master Ness's PK Thunder
10.  Watch every Disney movie made
11.  Be regret-free
12.  Lose those 10 pounds
13.  Live in Italy
14.  Never lose touch with my close friends
15.  Sit outside in the rain and sing
16.  Be more outgoing
17.  Learn Korean
18.  Live somewhere else
19.  Learn how to be a hairstylist
20.  Have my own catchphrase
21.  Learn to love to swim again
22.  Be goal-oriented
23.  Host a fund raiser for kids in China
24.  Stop being scared of the dark
25.  Go with the flow
26.  Go to Yale, or at least some college of my choice
27.  Learn to live with the disappointments
28.  Be spontaneous
29.  Be part of something extraordinary
30.  Forgive Adrien Zamalczyk
31.  Believe in God again
32.  Have job that I like and that makes me happy
33.  Take opera lessons
34.  Be beautiful
35.  Own a "home library"
36.  Meditate
37.  Not feel guilty for living anymore
38.  Be carefree
39.  Get my red hot-air balloon tattoo
40.  Learn to play chess
41.  Visit all 50 states
42.  Read more
43.  Get over my fear of growing up
44.  Love
45.  Not get hurt so easily anymore
46.  Eat and not care
47.  Start believing in myself
48.  Change someone's life
49.  Save someone's life
50.  Forget my childhood
51.  Cook good food
52.  Realize the difference between being alone and being lonely
53.  Travel through all the continents
54.  Be FIERCE
55.  Find out who my ancestors were
56.  Make my parents proud
57.  Be kind
58.  Design a Threadless shirt
59.  Pass AP Language & Composition
60.  Learn to drive
61.  Be completely fluent in Chinese
62.  Have my palm read
63.  Write more
64.  Go skiing
65.  Go scuba diving
66.  Have a pet dog and a pet cat
67.  Be financially independent
68.  Get married
69.  And have kids
70.  And live in a nice house
71.  And not get divorced -- unless I'm terribly miserable
72.  Get in touch with Gaukhar Nokeyeva again
73.  Learn how to speak German
74.  Start trying in school
75.  Go on an archaeological dig
76.  Eat more vegetables
77.  Become more photogenic
78.  Visit Sir Isaac Newton's grave
79.  Buy a tablet
80.  Go on a helicopter ride
81.  Drink more water
82.  Get stuck in an elevator with a stranger
83.  Come back to Hillsborough in 20 years and climb the tree I planted my freshman year
84.  Buy Adobe Photoshop
85.  Finish watching Winter Love Song
86.  Learn to ride a motorcycle
87.  Go back to Huijia just to visit and see my friends one last time
88.  Take up archery
89.  Study cosmetology and work briefly as a makeup artist
90.  Learn to be more articulate
91.  Try all 31 flavors at Baskin Robbins
92.  Raise one eyebrow
93.  Run a marathon
94.  Visit Egypt
95.  Hitchhike somewhere, anywhere
96.  Forgive myself
97.  Be able to say, "Officers, arrest this man"
98.  See my secret on PostSecret.com
99.  Stop staying "like" so much
100.  Never stop dreaming

---

And now, things I've already done (because sometimes I need to feel good about myself).

1.  Pierced my eyebrow
2.  Studied abroad
3.  Fallen in love
4.  Gone to a midnight release
5.  Sung in front of an audience
6.  Rode in a hot air balloon
7.  Dyed my hair
8.  Visited India
9.  Pierced my lip
10.  And my hips
11.  And my belly button
12.  Reached 6000 friends on MySpace
13.  Been accepted into a Vanity Group
14.  Gone on a huge shopping spree
15.  Lived in China for six months
16.  See the filming of Indiana Jones 4 at Yale University
17.  Cried in a movie
18.  Auditioned for something
19.  Cooked a meal for someone else
20.  Forgiven my father
21.  Taken acting lessons
22.  Done something unexpected
23.  Gone out in public in pajamas and not cared
24.  Lost someone
25.  And learned that even though it's hard, life goes on

I don't really care about a lot of things, to tell you the truth. I could be cliche and ridiculously untruthful and tell you that I care most about my family and friends, but somehow I don't think that's true. I think they're pretty boss, sure, but when it really comes down to it, they're just people. I'm a person. We're just animals, aren't we, and sooner or later we'll die and be forgotten.

So who do I care most about.

Okay, I'll answer this. Suppose I liked people. Suppose I had to pick just one person to take with me somewhere, forever, and that one person was all I had in this world.

I can't make that decision. I don't play favorites with people. It's just not something I can do.
I guess I care about everyone equally. Or at least my sisters and a few select friends.

Sorry if that makes me boring.

Yes, I actually am answering a writer's block question. Hmph.

I think the earliest memory I can recall is sometime when I was still developing in my mother's womb. I'm not really even sure it's a real memory... I'm floating there, right, and there are these two things next to me. And we're all just kind of floating there, not talking obviously...and it hits me that these two things are connected to me. Not physically, but mentally. Like we're siblings. Like...triplets. I always felt like they were protecting me in a way. But when I was born, it was just me in that hospital room.

So I think they just died. I think I was just a greedy little bitch of a baby and absorbed all the nutrients and my brothers let me.

I've told my mother about this, but she doesn't believe me. But what do you expect.

It still makes me kind of sad when I see the two empty chairs at our dinner table. We didn't plan to have two empty places at our dinner table; it just kind of happened that way. Which makes you wonder.

Here we are: Weblog Number 287 for Miss Anita Beatrix, the username and password archived safely away (and thank God for Gmail's limitless storage space).  I wonder what this particular site shall be used for, and for how long.  My past Xangas and Bloggers have played host to my most immature and girly childhood fantasties--things like, will Mommy ever buy me that pony like she said she would? Will I finally paint my room PINK?  But for whatever reason, I suspect I'll be writing about deeper and better notions, especially considering that I am now approaching the revered age of 16.  I've come a long way from wanting miniature horses and frilly lace.  I've scraped a reputation for myself--it's a long story though, so I'll spare you the details.  But let's just understand that I went from piercing my own body parts nonstop to befriending nearly everyone to living in China for six months to...

THIS.

And I don't know what 'this' is supposed to be.  True, I'm finally--dare I say it?--grounded.  As grounded as a teenager can be, anyway.  I've somehow managed to transition smoothly from my role as an international exchange student to almost straight-A Asian kid.  And if it sounds like I'm bragging at all, I totally, completely am.  I think I've earned some bragging rights, anyway.

In any business, it is officially summer.  Hopefully my father will be a bit less of a maniacal tyrant and allow me to see my friends at least sometimes.  I look forward to sleeping in, going to the beach, and generally having an obscenely inordinate amount of fun.  But let the record show that "look forward to" is most certainly not synonymous to "will."

That being said, here's to my life, and my summer.  May it be long, fruitful, and at least somewhat exciting.